Journal

So we’ve all been in those seasons where we question the existence of a deity who claims to love us and want the best for us. We wonder if we’ll ever get past this divorce? Will this break up be the last time we actually get a decent boyfriend/girlfriend? Is this job all I’m destined for? Will I ever make enough money to feed a family? Lost in these parallel universes of questions and doubt, we start to let the foundations of our faith be shaken.

It's funny how God uses the worst situations to produce the best results in your character. What a paradox that is. When I try to step into the mind of God for just a second, I find myself completely exasperated and in need of major guidance. Why use the worst to produce the best? Why death? Why make us fallible? Why, why, why…and this is the answer I got…I AM.

I’m up early after last nights 3rd Dove Awards win and I can only think of one thing I failed to do properly; praise God that we won another Dove and that we’re still able to live our dream. You see when they interviewed me about how I felt last night all I could talk about was how I was already looking for a Grammy next year! I know seeing into your future and hoping for Gods best within in that realm is a good thing, but honestly I’m upset that I didn’t praise Him for my present state. To be honest, the future is the Lords, one in which I may not see on this side of life.

So much to say and yet I struggle to find words that fill the lines in my mind. I’m excited. This friends, is a true statement simply because we finished our record and its amazing! I’m in a relationship and that too is amazing even through the hard work. We’re on our third record and that nowadays is unheard of, so humility is my only true emotion right now.

My top Favorite makeup supplies

1. Prescriptives camouflage cream. This stuff is great. I’ve been using it for like the last 3 years now. It’s a concealer for under your eyes that is strong enough to cover black circles but also lightweight enough that it doesn’t look like you have much make on.
2. Covergirl lashblast mascara- this is the one in the fat orange stick! I’m sure you all have seen it. I truly love this mascara because I feel that it does thicken and lengthen my eyelashes without making them look clumpy! It’s also not that expensive which is always a plus.

Well the wedding is finally over and I can’t even believe it! It feels like just yesterday I got engaged and Ben and I were starting the wedding plans. So now that everything is done, I wanted to fill you in on how it all turned out. Lets just say it was definitely one of the best days of my life. Everything was just so magical and really turned out better than I had imagined it! I fully enjoyed myself and have zero complaints (which I’ve heard is not very common in brides lol)

So in the spirit of all things beneficial I feel implored to address you concerning the issue of my broken heart. I know I wrote you before and expressed the despair that I found myself in these past couple of months, but now I feel like updating you on my current status involving that monumental event. You see, I’ve never been rocked like that before. Never so torn and moved that my entire world shut down like an emotional blackout.

Well, I’ve always done my best to be honest and open with my life because I believe in the power of testimony, so here’s where I’m at my beautiful people…ya boy is heartbroken. I was in love, didn’t know it, until now and its too late. I don’t write this to be sad or upset but to maybe use my life to relate to anyone of you reading this.

In a world of marketing and commercialism we continually find ourselves in a constant state of wonderment consumed with certain ideologies that keep us locked in confusion or even depression. Example: if you’re graduating from high school, you should already know what major you want to declare and what exactly you want to do with your life. If you’re graduating college you need to have the perfect job waiting for you along with the BMW and nice house so that anyone you meet will think your life is on track and going in the right direction.