Manwell's Corner

So in the spirit of all things beneficial I feel implored to address you concerning the issue of my broken heart. I know I wrote you before and expressed the despair that I found myself in these past couple of months, but now I feel like updating you on my current status involving that monumental event. You see, I’ve never been rocked like that before. Never so torn and moved that my entire world shut down like an emotional blackout. Being on tour and literally ducking around corners cause of my inability to hold back my tears, brought me to a blinding realization that my heart is not something to play with!!! And even more so, love isn’t something to handle like a coward!

Men and women of all ages hear me out. There are definitely times where modesty and careful tactics benefit you and your fragile little heart and prove wise to refrain from saying the big “L” word. For example: he calls you and every other girl “baby” without noticing, might be an indication to proceed with caution. Or if she says, “I love spending time with you…its like you’re my brother.” Then hold it in fellas!!! Not the best time to get Romeo on the girl. But in the uncommon and colossal instant in which you both feel it, and beyond that you both know it, then with all the honesty that your heart has to offer…say it! Say it because of the rarity of the moment. Say it because tomorrow is never promised! Say it because you mean it!!! Say it because upon these words wars have been fought, kingdoms given away, endless movies made! Say it because you owe it to yourself to confess the most beautiful emotion that God ever created for his children to feel. We’ve been blessed with the ability to experience the wonder of love, and that my friends is the biggest lesson I’ve learned.

I’m in an amazing place right now. This situation was so real to me that it forced a change in me without even realizing it. I no longer care for compromise or for the “in between” zone (you all know what I’m talking about). I don’t care for fear and all that it’s kept me from. I don’t care for transient relationships birthed out of loneliness that only teach me how to say goodbye. I don’t care for the mediocre me that existed in those moments. I’ve seen the glory of a new me. A me that has become open to the sensitivity of the Lords spirit. A me that has seen the product of selfish living and runs from its path. A me that has uncovered his capacity to love and the pride that it brings! A me that if Gods grace continues to hold me, will make a special young lady so flippin’ proud to call me her man! It’s in this person that I believe in. My past will never determine my future; it will only determine the level of wisdom in which I enter it.

God I pray you don’t stop this work you’ve started. Its real…so real that I’m telling the world and praying that you do it in them as well. For every person still dealing with their broken heart, do it in them! Show them your promise of happiness and true joy! Show them how much you care for them and how your life was spent in order that they may see this love that I speak of. But even more so that they may experience the love that transcends this silly little thing we call time and human emotion…your love. You’re amazing, uncompromising and ever so faithful love.

Well, I’ve always done my best to be honest and open with my life because I believe in the power of testimony, so here’s where I’m at my beautiful people…ya boy is heartbroken. I was in love, didn’t know it, until now and its too late. I don’t write this to be sad or upset but to maybe use my life to relate to anyone of you reading this.
So many emotions going through my head. I’m sad, mad, emotional…I’m like a little girl sometimes lol! I hate that Orlando reminds me so much of her that I want to move! But guess what? I can’t. I can’t run from my reality. I can’t pray that God take away the heart ache because its in these moments that I find the beauty of who God is and the need that I have of Him.
I need Him! Not just for silly things that we ask Him for everyday but for reasons I never knew existed. So many things I did wrong this year that I wish I could take back. I wish I could push rewind and just right my wrongs, but that’s not reality. And you know what that’s ok. I’m going to learn from every mistake, and I’m going to grow. I’m going to cry, but you know what, I’m going to laugh some too. I’m going to love my life and sometimes I’m going to lose focus and let my emotions take over and maybe hate my life…but with all that in mind you know what I continue to remind myself of?
I’m still here! I’ve had heartbreaks before, and I’m still here! God has never left me in the middle of my heartbreak. Never!!! He’s always seen me through and brought me out in the most beautiful fashion and for that I praise Him! I praise Him for future smiles and future laughter. I praise Him for future opportunity and future joys. I praise Him because despite my mistakes he allows me to sit here in a blessed state and compose this letter that I pray touches somebody’s heart. I’m not perfect…I miss my ex…I miss the person I used to be and know is still inside me…but I love my hope for grace. I love that my heartbreak has taken my prayer life to another level of expectation and trust. I love that I know he has someone for me and I need not fear. Here I am Lord, broken but all yours. Do with me what you wish…

For every broken heart out there, I pray that you would trust Him more now than ever before knowing that he’ll always bring you through. That’s his nature. People will leave you, but his will for your life remains after the dust settles…believe in that, believe in Him. I love you all and I pray my vulnerability fuels someone’s strength.

Mad love

manwell

In a world of marketing and commercialism we continually find ourselves in a constant state of wonderment consumed with certain ideologies that keep us locked in confusion or even depression. Example: if you’re graduating from high school, you should already know what major you want to declare and what exactly you want to do with your life. If you’re graduating college you need to have the perfect job waiting for you along with the BMW and nice house so that anyone you meet will think your life is on track and going in the right direction. By the age of 25 you should be married, close to being married, or at least have the “one” in your life.
If you don’t land in any of these categories then WATCH OUT!!! You’re a weirdo and pretty much going to fail in everything you attempt!!!!!! Or so they make you believe. I’ve never been so at peace with the place I’m at in my life. Single yes, but not longing. A helpless romantic but more inclined to hearing God's heart for my life. See for so long I’ve been looking outside of my heart to find the reasons for why I’m not where I “need to be” but the answers always been in me.

See I’m convinced that everyone is where they want to be in regards to emotions and spiritual aptitude. The Bible promises that nothing formed against shall prosper, so that means there is nothing that exists in this world, no circumstance or situation, that can keep us from fully loving Christ the way that we should. At some point in my life I had to take a hard, long look in the mirror and tell myself, “Manny, you’re not who you wanna be because that’s not really who you wanna be right now.” It didn’t make sense to me at first because the person I wanted to be was a man after God's heart, holy and pure in his eyes. But my actions at times disproved my “desire” and the two never lined up.
I quickly realized that my faith needed to take shape in the form of obedience. There was no more wishing I was a good man, but there was being a good man.

This comes with thought, prayer and planned action, but it doesn’t come from hopeful wishing. We all need to take responsibility for ourselves and be honest to the one person that it matters most to….yourself.
God's grace is with us. It' purpose is to enable us to carry out his plan for our lives and it will never stop working for us as long as we never stop seeking his will.

You can do it family! I believe in everyone of you!!!! Don’t give up on you! I won’t, and I know God wont either.

Love you all

So here I am on another plane ride listening to my 4th solo cd that will never break the light of day because of my current contract…but that doesn’t sadden me in any way. I’m super grateful that I have a way to express myself when I’m feeling crazy emotional! It really is a blessing to be able to put words together in a way that makes people see life differently. I no longer rap for the sake of being cool or popular, but I do what I do to see how many people will bare witness to what the spirit is doing within me. I know I’m not the only person going through tough times emotionally or mentally, trying to figure out life, love and all of the above.
But I also know I’m not the only one seeking God cause I know He’s the only sanity in my world. He’s the only thing keeping me grounded and feeling alive! This ministry that He’s given me that allows me to see the world and meet so many people brings me to life!!! All of you who read my blogs, you literally are my air! My life has been poured out for the sake of your advancement. Even though I’m not worthy, I count it a privilege to speak into your life in any facet. Thank you so much for supporting God within me.

Love you

so we recently had a show and i have to admit, it was one of the best shows ever! i loved it! the funny thing is, it had nothing to do with how many people were there, or the fact that the sound was great, the pastor was awesome, none of that mattered...it was the best show because the Lord gave me a fresh breath of mercy to understand the grandness of what he was doing in my life. while i was on stage i couldn't help but shed some tears cause he was giving me a glimpse into all that he's done in my life and what he's continuing to do and even more so what he wants to do! it was so hard to focus cause as he shared with me, i just couldn't believe how kind he was to someone like me. i know i don't deserve a single ounce of grace, but praise God that he gives it freely and willingly. you see friends, there's so much that you don't see that God is doing in your life because you're eyes are fixed on a current situation or circumstance that clouds your vision from seeing the possibilities of greatness! the unseen world, or the world of faith, exists to those who choose to believe what the word says about us...that he has plans to prosper us, plans to give us a future, that everything we put our hands to will succeed, that we are his and no one can take us from his hands...we are all this and more! we are his pride, his joy, his greatness, his reason for living and the reason he was put death. we are his creation, so never lose sight of how much the Lord loves you and how much he wants to do with you. he's doing it in me, and i'm so grateful. join me friends....

So I’m on another plane, listening to my ipod and thinking…man, I think a lot! Lol! I’m going to call this blog “A Random Tale” cause I’m about to type everything that goes through my head in the next 10 minutes. Ready? Welcome to the crazy mind of Manwell:
I love Southwest Airlines; they feed me and give me apple juice. Anyone who gives me apple juice is automatically my favorite person. I’ve eaten like 3 granola bars in the past half hour; don’t know if that’s good for my little tummy. I love my new kswiss shoes!! My friend Cole worked the Grammy’s and got me a whole bunch of free stuff! Thanks Cole!!
Why do we crave affection so much? I mean, I know we were created that way, but why do we crave it like air? Why do I love the Olympics so much!! The greatest thing that a man or woman can accomplish is to love someone and be loved in return. There’s nothing more satisfying than holding hands with the person that fits you. Its like you’re both legos and your hands connect beautifully all in the name of pure love.
I had a really sobering prayer time on Wednesday. The Lord told me that I wasn’t living to my full potential…and I said how so Big J…and he said, “I see your heart and the desires you have for yourself…marriage, success, true love…but there’s one problem…if you don’t learn to love and honor yourself, you can’t expect to be able to love and honor someone else. All love is conceived in Me and obedience happens to be the path to finding it. But then actual love is birthed inside of you through the understanding of how I see you. You’re precious to me, so when you give yourself away so easily to someone, you devalue the worth that I have placed on you making it impossible to love at your full potential! I hear your prayers and the man you want to be…so I urge you, let go of the little things that keep you down and oppressed. I love you so much and I want you to just BE. No more talking or wishing that you were something you’re not…just start being that person. I’ve given you everything you need to make it happen, including all the power that’s within me.” So I said, “wow Jesus, you’re really into me…I love you for it.”

A beautiful piano is kryptonite for me. Violins take me somewhere I love to go…music is the rhythm to my life; it keeps me in time and in love with love! My best friend’s getting married on Sunday! I’m so proud of him! No more heartbreaks and lonely nights, what an amazing creation this thing called love. My boy Nick is crazy talented and one day will make the most amazing movie ever!!!! I can’t wait to see it! My boy Josh is such a good musician and writer. I just finished praying to his song and man God is with him, I hope he knows it…I should tell him lol! I miss my friend Jewels…she’s so competitive, I can’t wait to beat her in every sport imaginable!!! My friend Lipsy spoke life to my spirit and I doubt she even knows it, but ladies just know that honoring yourself and keeping your heart with Jesus is such an admirable thing that’s worthy of praise! We should all learn what it means to be patient and to not awaken love at the wrong time. Thank you for grace Jesus.

My thoughts are sporadic, my mind never rests, my heart is always overflowing…thank you for taking time to share life with me. Mad love.